Mesa's Life [entries|friends|calendar] Lisa [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

My thoughts on everything.... [21 Dec 2007|11:51am] [ mood | sad ] As I sit here with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes, I feel as though I need to write down my thoughts. I've been so scatter brained for the past few days. And maybe this will help. I have loved 2 men in my life. Both for very different reasons. But both very dear to me. This past Sunday, at 7:05pm, one of those men, Charles Adrian Huddleston, the man that I was supposed to marry and spend the rest of my life with, felt there was no way out, that he was out of options, put a gun in his mouth and never looked back. Never stopped to think of what this would do to the ones he was leaving behind. We were on the phone that night. We talked about us getting back together and making things right. All I could see was the pain, hell, and torment he put me through. And though hearing him beg, plead, and cry (Adrian doesn't cry) to make this right between us, I couldn't bring myself to say yes, that we would give it another try. He begged for me to save him, that there was no way he would ever do this again, he wanted to stop running. He wanted his family back. I told him for the first time in my life, I needed to stop worrying about everyone else, and I had to save myself. There was no going back, there was no recovering from everything we have been through over the past 2 months. That I just couldn't do it. With that, he got very distant sounding. He said "So that's it? There is no hope? Not even a glimmer?" I said God, help me Adrian, I wish there was but I truly don't see one". With that, I heard him start rumaging around for something and my heart dropped. I asked him what he was doing...He just whispered "nothing..." "Adrian please don't do anything crazy or stupid!!!!!" I heard a door shut. I heard the gun cock. And he choked back and said "Lisa, I love you forever, I'm so sorry for everything I ever did to you. And now, I'm sorry, I have to hurt you one last time". And with that, the phone went dead. I called him right back and didn't get an answer. I jumped up screaming looking for my keys! Stacy yelled for me to tell her what was going on. She said later all she made of it was 'Adrian' & 'gun'. My keys were taken from me. She drove. I called 911. By the time, they got there it was too late. I met them only minutes later. I was not allowed to go up into the apartment and I did try-2 paramedics and a Gwinnett Co. PD held me to the ground. I do understand why I wasn't allowed to. I know I didn't need to see it. At the time, I felt as though maybe there was something I could do if I could just get near him. He just felt so helpless, alone, lost. And now, I look back. There were signs on the wall. I just didn't read close enough. I'm not going to blame myself. I can't. It will kill me. Adrian had a lot of demons he has been fighting for a long time. US was just the breaking point. He didn't see any other way out or any other options. He gave up the fight. I understand why he did it. I've been mad at him for days. But I'm not mad anymore, I'm sad. I'm sad for the ones that he left behind. I'm sad for his parents. I'm sad for him. My only hope and prayer now is that he will find the peace in death that he couldnt find in life. I know I'll get through this. I have my family and friends to help and I know I couldnt do this without them. I love all of you and thank you for being there for me. Rest in peace C.Adrian Huddleston. I love you forever! ~Lisa~ 1 comment|post comment

If only every weekend could be like this... [12 Dec 2004|11:11pm] [ mood | chipper ] Had a great weekend!!! Went to Age's house for the weekend... Friday after I got off work at 10:30 headed down there..Long drive but it's worth it. Got there @ 12:30am..We "entertained" ourselves for a few hours and then curled up together and went to sleep... Saturday morning, I got breakfast in bed.. Homemade waffles and eggs...Yummyy... Soo..We spent some time together for a few hours :) together and then got up and went to the Dodge dealer. As much as Age loves his motorcycle, he wants to trade in his bike and the little S10 in and get a Dodge Ram 1500..Beautiful truck. So we were there for about 3 hours GRRRRR and it didn't work out like he had planned but those guys were just total assholes so we left and hes looking in other places. Anyway, after the dealership, we went and did some shopping..God, the traffic around his area is GOD AWFUL!!! So we decided to go home and take a nap. Not even close to being done shopping and am REALLY not looking foward to finishing it but right now I'm really broke so I can't do too much... Anyhoo..Took a couple hr nap, got up spent "quality" time together and took showers and headed to some little hole in the wall BBQ place that had FABULOUS FOOD, stuffed our faces and went over to his friend Keiths house to drop off his 18 year old wife (he's 25).. And we headed over to his Friend Forrest's house. See, Saturday was Forrest's engagment party (he's an awesome oversized redneck).. Anyway..On the WAY to forests house, we're running down Hwy 5 and our light is GREENNNNNNN...We're running up on the light pretty quick and I look at the light in opposite direction of traffic and here comes a cop..Lights on but no sirens, FLYINGGGGG..I started screaming COP COP COP..Age was barely able to stop..We almosssttt T-boned him...God it sucked!!!! But that cop was totally in the wrong..He NEVER even slowed down!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR So, after we got our hearts out of our chests, we continued to forests house... Got there, got everyone together and headed to COWBOYS!! My first time since "family day" that was YEARSSSSSS ago... Got there and went staight for the bar... Age and I danced a whole lot, I had a little more to drink..danced some more..Had a few more shots... Hehehe..Seeing a pattern? Only spent like 40 but I was pretty well intoxicated... It was great.. So, we went home , I layed down and Age layed behind me and started rubbing my back...Thats all I remember... Sunday afternoon, got up and I was STARVING!!! So we went and grabbed some quick food, went to Pep Boys and he was so sweet as to change my oil for me...Well, he changed his too but he did mine first so it was still sweet :) We then went back inside and curled up and watched Bourne Supremacy...It had come out while he was in the Army... And I headed home... Doesn't sound like much but it was just great spending so much time with him and no interuptions...He told me he has a suprise for me next weekend but wont give me any hints...GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.. Got home spent time with Dad, Stacy, and kids, ate dinner, and came downstairs where I have remained goofing off on the computer and downloading music... Have my last day of school tomorrow and then I'm done till January..YIPPEEEEEE... Can't wait..But then I half to work from 12-10 tomorrow GRRRRRR Hate long days.. OK, I think this is enough for one night so I'm gonna call it quits... KERRY~ CALL DAD AND SAY HI DAMNIT!!! Love you! 1 comment|post comment

[02 Nov 2004|01:15pm] [ mood | happy ] It's been a good day, so far... I got the job at Circuit City. They are going to be starting me tomorrow. I'm actually really excited about this job. I think it'll be a blast to work in. My section will be MOVIES AND MUSIC. Two of my favorites. I put my two weeks at Brunswick in. My supervisor, Clarence, was not happy at all. He tried to talk to me asking me WHY??? I just looked at him and said I couldn't talk about it right now. I literally had like 20 people standing in front of me. Since there was no school today, we were PACKED! Bob and I filled up 27 lanes in about 10 minutes. We were jammin. We have this stupid deal to try to get people in the door. Everything is a dollar. Cheap but effective. Didn't think so many people knew about it. Oh, well. Made the night go by much faster! Had a pretty rowdy crowd which made for a much more interesting night.. Ended up getting the last bunch out at like 12:30. Just yacking and didn't wanna leave I guess. I had to turn into the Brunswick Bitch as I have so been named. Gave an altmadum, get out or i'm gonna have to call the cops to escort u out. Needless to say, they left, grumbling and fussing the whole way out the door. Oh, well. But right now, just sittin around. Just got done watching Darkness Falls. Pretty good movie. :) Doin laundry as well. I've finallly gotten really good about keeping my clothes clean all the time. Only really have to do one, two tops, loads a week. Versus my old ways and wear everything I have and then do like 10 loads. That always sucked. Well, out of things to say and I need to go pay my cell phone bill anyway. OH yeah, ONLY 8 DAYS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~LATER~ 1 comment|post comment

GOD I HATE MONDAYS!!!! [25 Oct 2004|02:39pm] [ mood | annoyed ] Today TOTALLY SUCKED ASS!!!! First, i just knew it was gonna be one of those days. Didn't even want to get out of bed but my dad and stepmom were BOTH home so I pretty much had NO choice in the matter. So, I'm going up 316 and this HUMUNGUS truck almost runs me and my little car completely off the road cutting me off..and then I GET THE FINGER!!! Figure that one OUT?!?!?!?! (hmmm. that's kind of like the song) Anyways, I get to my first class, I'm like 10 minutes late. I walk in and the teacher calls me out! "Ms. Snider, I really don't appreciate you interupting my class my waltzing in here whenever you feel like it! Please take a seat". I appologized and the other people in the class were just looking at her like she was a bitch for calling me out like that because i am NEVER late and there are ALWAYS other people just STROLLING in whenever they feel like it!! Dumb bitch. Think she's just mad at me cause I told her that her class was a joke. Bias I guess... My anatomy class wasn't tooooooo bad just this section is gonna be fairly difficult GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... That's pretty much been my day~it's now 3 in the afternoon and I just wanna go to sleep but i have so much studying to do... I HATE MONDAYS!!! post comment

What a Day [14 Sep 2004|12:36am] Haven't really done anything today. My friend from childhood came over last night and spent the night.. We got up and i took her up to Athens Tech to try to get her enrolled.. Glad she is finally getting her act together. Went out to lunch and just spent the day together... We decided tonight that since we really never get to hang out anymore(an obssesive boyfriend who is now in jail) we are going to Wild Bills on Thursday night.. Hoping my sister and maybe a few other people join us but if not we'll still have a good time.. Anyone else wanna go? Right now, talking to my sister and looking for another tattoo idea.. Since summer is officially over, and hoodie weather is almost here, I dont have to worry about getting it out of the sun (yeah like i really get into it) Thinking I wanted an Amy Brown tat but i'm really not sure.. Looking on Elfwood right now. Even if I can get some ideas together and get someone to draw something out for me, I dont want another tat out of a book..All of mine I do think are nice but I just want something original... Ok, nuff for tonight ~More Later~ 1 comment|post comment

New Year [01 Jan 2004|06:10pm] [ mood | excited ] Ok, just wanted to wish all my family a very happy new year.. I had a pretty good evening.. Stayed at home with my stepmother and 2 of the three stepsisters... My stepmom played bartender... Made some kick ass margaritas...Well, I suppose she would. She was a bartender for a hundred years... Anyways, drank, watched a stupid movie, rang in the new year and went to bed...Quiet night..It was lovely... Did I mention that I'm starting school on Monday..Gawd, seems like it's taking forever. Cant wait!!!! But no more party time after that. All work, no play... Gonna suck but I gotta buckle down and get started and it's gonna be tough.. But thats ok I'm ready for the challenge!! 1 comment|post comment

[30 Dec 2003|03:56am] [ mood | chipper ] Ok, I'm really new to this so bear with me... My name is Lisa and I'm 20 years old.. I have a wonderful family, and a dog.. I'm finally starting college on January 5th of 2004. I took some time off but now I'm ready and willing to go back. For fun, I like to really do anything outdoors like camping, caving, rock climbing(I'm still new at it) or walking around outside on nice days. I collect all sorts of fantasy stuff like FAIRIES, dragons, and such. I also collect shot glasses and porcelain dolls..Yeah, I'm girlie... I have 3 tattoos and 8 piercings.. My tattoos are of Tinker-bell, the sun and moon designed like a yin-yan, and really cool looking blue flower... My sister is and will always be my best friend, which no one would have guessed since we used to try to literally kill each other when we were kids. I have very loving and caring parents,and a kick ass step mom and 3 step sisters. Seems I'm going to have a new step father soon. My mother just got engaged on Christmas. He's cool when you get past that country thing. We pick on him a lot but if mom's happy than he'll do just fine :) OK-I think thats all for now but I'll be back... 1 comment|post comment

-testing- [30 Dec 2003|03:25am] Mesa!! Welcome to the wonderful world of LJ. You'll love it,just like your dear ol' sis. xoxox I Love you Very Much!!! <3333333 post comment

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